Do you remember what tomorrow is?
You always forgot what day it was. You always had to be reminded. But I didn’t mind. The day doesn’t mean to me what it means to others. I enjoy the excuse to get together and have good times. That’s all that mattered…and still matters to me.
It’s funny because it was a year ago tomorrow when it all started to end. I knew that the day would probably come, but this day was the day I had to accept it. I had to accept that for you out of sight was out of mind. I wasn’t worth the cost of the phone call.
So many times I needed to hear your voice; I didn’t care what it cost. All I cared about was talking to you. If I had told you how much I cared, would that have made a difference? Would you have cared more? Or was it always too much work for you?
I tried to forget. I really did. I pushed it so far out of my mind I couldn’t remember how it all fell apart. I don’t know what made me do it…look for you. Now your very public life without me has become almost an obsession. I go back and look one or two times a day, sometimes more. I try to make myself stop but I can’t.
Looking into your eyes again reminds me of all that we have lost. And for what? I started to blame myself.
Maybe I was asking for too much. Maybe I should have given you another chance. I had pushed the memories so far back I couldn’t remember. Was it me? I had to know.
I pulled up the letters that led to the final silence. I reread every detail. And then I remembered. I gave you a chance, more than one. But you blamed me. It wasn’t my fault, yet you blamed me. I gave you the key to get back in, but either you didn’t recognize it or you ignored it. That was your last chance. I don’t think we can go back. You proved I wasn’t worth it to you. But if not me, then who is? Who could ever be worth it more than I was?
So here I sit, knowing that I did all I could. Knowing that you didn’t. And I wonder. Will you remember what tomorrow is?
Sidenote: I just realized it was 2 years ago...how time flies...
