Starting again.

Can I start again?

Rewind the tape?

There is so much inside me, this energy that is making every bit of my body tingle. So much stuff is pent up inside me I feel like my body is going to start hovering. I’m worried that my pounding heart is going to break through my chest and give me away. I want to vomit all of it onto this page, but there is something blocking it. Something living inside of me is pushing it back down.

Despite the energy coursing through my body I feel fatigued. The strength it takes to keep this pulsing energy from exploding out of me weighs down on my body. It feels like walking around in a pressure tank.

I feel myself falling into a hole, and as hard as I scrambled to get out of it, I just go deeper and deeper. I wonder how I got here. I want to start over, where do I go for the redo? I want to shout out “Rewind the tape! I want to go back!”

And then as soon as it started, suddenly it’s gone. I look around, and wonder what it was all for. There is nothing I would change. No reason to go back. Everything is the way it should be. I feel silly.

Everything is the way it should be.