No Touching

This skin that has rarely been touched by love,
It trembles whenever someone comes near,
Involuntary spasms shoot up my back and I shudder.
Their finger tips on my skin feel like burning embers,
The pain runs deep from their touch, and I wonder,
Will I ever be able to feel?
Or will I always be numb to touch.

Others don’t understand,
They laugh at me,
Mocking and taunting me.
They think I am cold and cruel,
They think that the unfeeling extends to my heart.
Sometimes in an attempt to help,
But mostly just for their own amusement,
They surround me in an unwanted grasp.
A bear hug not filled with torment,
Meant to make me feel inadequate and awkward.

Sometimes when the loneliness overtakes me,
My body aches for your touch,
The only touch that I crave, the only touch I need.
I dream about running my hands over your soft skin,
Gently squeezing your flesh,
Our bodies radiating heat as we lie curled up together,
Your calm breathing lulling me into a dreamless sleep.

I’ve accepted that this will never happen,
My body will never touch yours,
Your fingers will never run across mine.
I am a prisoner to the fear that cripples me into this life,
Afraid to be exposed and to be vulnerable,
I will remain forever alone.